It’s April 1st

So, today is the 1st day of April. That mans there are 54 days until summer vacation. 54 days until I want to be able to rock my strapless dresses, tank tops, short shorts, and hey, a bikini even. Today, I’m far from there. And who knows?  May 24th may come, and I still may be far from there. But, if there’s one thing I want to accomplish. That’s completing the 30-Day Shred and feeling great in the body I have. I should have finished it today. Had I not procrastinated until 10:30 at night two weeks ago, not even finish it, then the next day, “give myself a break” maybe, I’d be done. And, who knows what I’d look like. It beats me why I quit that day, I guess, I just have no motivation. Why have not motivation. When I know what eating right and exercising does? I don’t know. I know one thing for sure. My dad needs to lose 10-15 pounds in the next three months, because he is overweight, not obese but he is overweight. I know one thing; I know what being obese does to your body, your outlook on life, and Jesus, think of how it makes you look. I want to keep my dad around for as long as possible, and if that means eating what he eats, not eating junk food and crap with him, and exercising everyday until we both lose the needed weight, that’s what I’m planning on doing, for him, and me. I’ve never really explained how I got overweight in the first place, and because Easter sparked it, I guess I’ll tell you now

Well, a few years ago. I found out the Easter bunny wasn’t real. I found the stash of candy my dad had beside his bed and I took it. I ate all of it. I then put the empty wrappers in my closet. Then, when Girl Scout cookies were delivered I ate, I don’t even know how many, boxes and boxes of tagalongs. I kept this stash hidden for the next year. I put on 25 pounds in three months. Then, in January of the next year, my grandma had surgery and my dad stayed home for the day to get my sister and I after school little did I know, he’s clean out my closet and pile all of the candy I had eaten over the course of that year. On January 30th, 2008. I wrote in my diary “Hi! I’m very mad because my dad found the extra candy I ate over the years and I am not happy. I know it’s wrong so I’ll show you all what I ate and how I look (I hate my life) **Cue picture of table with approximately foot of candy and me, reaching into the pantry with what looks to be the biggest gut I’ve ever seen *** I’m sorry how fat I am but I can’t help it!!!!!” If I may say something, I was 10 years old and I already hated my life and was putting my body down. I’m sorry but this doesn’t make sense. I, was a happy child on the outside but inside, trust me, I thought about suicide on a regular basis.

And, so I kept struggling with my weight for quite some time. I lied about my weight in school when we had to make our nutrition pyramid. I knew how much I weighed but my friend looked over every few questions so I went with 100 pounds. I knew I was more like 175 or more. I hadn’t been 100 pounds in forever. When I was 8, I weighed 120 pounds. I didn’t really think I could keep gaining weight until May 2011, when I reached 199.2 pounds, my doctor told me “Your weight has skyrocketed. I want you to get down to 165 pounds” Skyrocketed. That memory still flashes before my mind from time to time and I can’t help but thank her for saying that.  If she hadn’t, I’d be bigger and depressed. It was probably that or the fact that I tried on a size 16 dresses for 8th grade graduation and it almost didn’t zip.

Another reason I want to succeed at weight loss is for my grandma. She died of cancer when I was in 8th grade; I’m guessing this is why my weight skyrocketed. I don’t know. But she passed of lung cancer in October of 8th grade, and I wanted to die, She didn’t even see me at my highest and will never see me at my lowest.

To this day, if I didn’t have a hold of my weight, I’d be depressed and I don’t think anyone would know. I was always so happy with friends and family. It was just by myself, I contemplated suicide. A few years ago, I read this thing where old people, if they felt it was time to go, could tell themselves to die in their sleep, and they would. So, every night for month and months I would say this to myself but I would still wake up.

I sometimes think about what pushed me into being depressed. I never believe I was depressed, but thinking about it, I was. And no one noticed. That made it worse. I thought no one cared enough about me to see I was falling into depression. But, it was my own fault. I wasn’t letting people into my life, I still don’t. It’s my terrible fear of rejection talking. I feel like if I let people in, they won’t like whom I am and they’ll leave. Maybe it’s the time a girl facebook messaged me “idont care. u could go kill urself no one would care but ur mom” That really ripped out my soul. I really don’t know, but one thing’s for sure, what keeps me going, is my friends. My sister, the Internet, and other teenager like me. I smile. I always smile; it makes people’s days. People love my dimples and tell it to me too. “The people that smile and laugh the most are the ones who are suffering the most. Because laughter isn’t only the best medicine, it’s also the best disguise.” I think it’s true. When you frown, people ask you what’s the matter. When you smile, people automatically think you’re fine so I smile and make others feel better in the process. My sister. I always wanted an older sister and I know I can’t leave her alone without me. No matter how much we fight, she gets me through the day and I hope I help her get through hers too. The Internet and other teenagers like me. Well, I knew if I ever killed myself, my sister and her friends, my friends even, would think that it’s okay to kill yourself if you get into a rut. So, I think my biggest accomplishment, not losing the weight, but for continuing my life when I wanted to die. So, that’s what I did, That’s why I did it, I’ve lost 40 pounds and have 25-30 to go. I don’t care how long it takes, healthy and happy is going to happen. So, it’s April 1st.

 

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October, in a nut shell.

well hello. My last post was to motivate me and everyone who is having trouble losing weight or getting back on track with weight loss. But, now I want to share with you all what I ate and what I did for exercise for the month of October so far.

October 2nd

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, grapes, applesauce

Dinner: sandwich, grapes, cookies

Snack: apple, almonds

Exercise:  30 Day Shred

Total Calories: 1550

October 3rd

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: Mocha Light

Dinner: hot dog and pretzels

Snack: granola bar and crackers

Exercise: 18 holes of golf. (I burned 1400 calories) (128)

Total Calories: 1540

October 4th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt, apple, applesauce

Dinner: pizza and a granola bar

Snack: apple, grapes, applesauce.

Total Calories:  1462

October 5th

Breakfast: Oatmeal

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt, apple

Dinner: hot chocolate and M and Ms (football game)

Snack: chocolate bar

Exercise: yoga

Total Calories: 1350

October 6th

Breakfast: doughnuts

Lunch: chicken

Dinner: I was at a dance (None)

Exercise: dancing for three hours

Total calories: 960, that’s not high

October 7th

Breakfast: doughnuts

Lunch: None, I woke up at 11

Dinner: hamburger

Snack: chips and gelato. coffee

Exercise: walking for about three hours

Total Calories: 1400

October 8th

Breakfast: doughnuts

Lunch: macaroni and cheese, coffee

Dinner: pizza

Snack: kit kat

Exercise: 2 hours of walking

Total calories: 1505

October 9th

Breakfast: Oatmeal

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: pizza

Exercise: kick boxing

Total Calories: 1002

October 10th

Breakfast: oatmeal

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: pizza

Snack: granola bar chips and strawberries

Exercise: 15 minute run, 30 minutes walking, basketball for 30 minutes

Total Calories: 1356

October 11th

Breakfast: oatmeal

Lunch: sandwich, applesauce, strawberries, granola bar

Dinner: pizza

Exercise:  Pilates

Total Calories: 1030

October 12th

Breakfast: oatmeal

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt, applesauce, grapes

Dinner:  salad, sandwich, bread, applesauce

Snack: grapes, trail mix

Exercise: yoga

Total Calories: 1475

October 13th

Breakfast:yogurt, trail mix

Lunch: granola bar

Dinner: chicken, corn, stuffing

Snack: chocolate cake

Total Calories: 1500

October 14th

Breakfast:cake

Lunch:sandwich applesauce, almonds

Dinner: hamburger

Exercise: walking 1 hour

Total Calories: 1300

October 15th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: pizza

Exercise: stability ball workout

Total Calories: 1160

October 16th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: pasta

Exercise: kick boxing

Total Calories:1230

October 17th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: chicken

Exercise:running for 24 minutes

Total Calories:  1210

October 18th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: lasagna

Exercise: Pilates

Total Calories: 1400

October 19th

Breakfast: Honey Bunches of Oats

Lunch: sandwich, apple, applesauce, yogurt

Dinner: pizza

Total Calories: 1430

October 20th

Breakfast: yogurt applesauce

Lunch: sandwich

Dinner: meat loaf, potato, carrots,

Snack: strawberries

exercise: raked leaves for 3 hours

Total Calories:1021

October 21st

Breakfast: doughnuts

Lunch: applesauce

Dinner: hamburger fries

Total Calories: 1300

*This starts my bad eating habits

October 22nd

Breakfast: doughnuts

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt,apple, applesauce

Dinner: chicken

Snack: chocolate

Exercise: circuit training

Total Calories: 1970

October 23rd

Breakfast:chocolate

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt, chocolate

Dinner: soft pretzel

Exercise: dancing for about three hours

Total Calories: 1800

October 24th

Breakfast: chocolate

Lunch: sandwich, yogurt, chocolate,

Dinner:lasagna

Snack: chocolate

Exercise:  8 miles on a bike

Total Calories: 1280

October 25th

Breakfast: chocolate

Lunch: sandwich

Dinner: pizza

Snack: granola bar, green pepper

Exercise: walking thirty minutes

Total Calories:1090

This has been October thus far in a nutshell. I will post whenever I have time.

Happy Shredding

Alicia

Today is a new day

Today is a new day.  And soon it will be November, a new month. I have been very busy this whole month and I apologize for not posting since the first of this month. I said that October would be my month and at the beginning of every year I say it will be my year but who am I kidding? If I have one good month that won’t change me completely and the same goes for one bad month. I have to make my life my life and by doing so not harping on my mistakes but by commending on my achievements. I have to take my life one day at a time. Life is like a game of golf. You know what shot you just took and now it is the opportunity whether to seize the opportunity and aim for the green or just hold onto the past and end up in the trees. There will always be days when you are in the trees, some times weeks; but you can get onto the green, one shot at a time.  So all of October I was pretty much in the trees, I was busy and so I didn’t post and so I got no comments from you readers which made me not motivated. I did the 30 day shred once and I stayed mostly on not eating over 1500 calories per day until his weekend. I don’t know what happened and quite frankly I don’t want to talk about it. I ate about 2000 calories one day and it wasn’t very healthy and that just led to more unhealthy choices and then it hit me, last night at about 10:30. I can change.  There are 30 weeks left until summer and I can get to m goal weight by then. I will get to my goal weight by then. I will ease my way into exercise as get back on track with my healthy eating habits. My new goal is to be 140 pound by May 24th, 2013. Which is the last day of school and 30 weeks from today. I can lose a pound a week and I will have the body I have always wanted. I believe I can and I will. Because this girl jut wants to be healthy.

October, my month

So, October is my month. It is the last month before basketball and I want to lose 5 pounds this month or more. I want to be in the 150s by October 31st. I am going to be 110% committed to doing the 30 Day Shred and doing whatever else I have to in order to succeed. I have slacked and I realize hat just eating healthy won’t get me to the body I want in the time I want, so here I am, taking a stab at exercise and my life again. Let’s do it.

Now, I must admit, that this epiphany occurred at about 6:30 this morning. So, I took some measurements of myself. I will be creating anew page that is just for October that will be posted within the day or two of these measurements, my daily exercise, etc.

Anyway, I woke up and had some cereal. And then i went to school. This week is homecoming week, and yes, there will be a picture of me in my dress on Saturday, don’t worry, Anyway, we have a spirit week and today was super hero day. You couldn’t have paid me to dress up in some of the things that kids did. Full on Spiderman, superman, and Captain America is a little overboard, Just saying. anyway, for lunch, I had a sandwich, applesauce, and some peanut butter crackers. We have a lack of food in my house. Darn. Anyway, in gym we did a stability ball workout. It is much easier in shorts than in yoga pants, to say the last. After school, I had to take my econ test which I missed on Thursday from golf. I got a 24/25. the best I have done on a test this year. Woo fricking HOO! then I had some pistachios and I came home, ate some chicken and a brownie for dinner and then started blogging, which I have been doing for quite sometime. I didn’t feel like doing homework, so I didn’t. Whoops. And yes, that was my day. 🙂 🙂
I had a total of 1400 calories.

 

Hope you all have a good day

 

Happy Shredding’

Alicia